Spanking Tips for Beginners

When it comes to spanking, I’m sure you’ve done your fair share of it with one woman or another. I mean, even if you haven’t, you must’ve at least tried it once or twice. Either way, whether you’ve tried it or not, let this scene play out in your head:

You’re in the middle of having face down ass up sex, when you have this sudden urge to spank her rear end hard. Now, the two of you haven’t talked about this prior to today, but you figure it’ll be fine, so you go for it. Hell, you’re in the moment and so is she, maybe she won’t mind. However, once you spank that booty, your girl automatically feels uncomfortable, pulls you out of her, and walks away towards the bathroom mirror to check out the print you left on her. She comes back into the bedroom and explains that that’s not what she wants during sex, and that it’s unacceptable to not talk to her about things such as this before acting on them.

Now, what did you do wrong in this situation? You didn’t communicate with her before going full-force into spanking territory. This is a huge no-no for some girls and a huge yes-yes for others. In order to know what kind of girl you’re dealing with, you should always talk about the matter before taking matters into your own hands.

While some women think it’s extremely painful and disrespectful, others feel as if it’s sexy and a huge turn on; Some take it to the point of where it is a fetish for them. In fact, it’s one of the most popular fetish’s out there today. I’d like to advise you, though, that a woman probably will not let you spank her unless she 100% trusts you, so I wouldn’t bring the topic up if you guys just started dating.

Anyways, I’m going to give you a few steps to follow before you start spanking your partner (or before they start spanking you). Let’s make this experience as safe and sensual as possible.

Always talk about it beforehand.

As I’ve stated above, spanking usually just happens in the moment and out of the blue. However, I would highly advise to not do this, and instead to talk about it before you think you’ll do it. In addition to talking to your partner about it, you might want to come to some sort of solution regarding the matter. This could range from not doing it at all to doing it all the time, and even to negotiating certain times where it’s acceptable.

The key here is to just be respectful of one another by always talking it through.

Your partner may not be into this kind of kinky stuff, so make sure you’re okay with that.

Spanking may be something you like and may be something your partner does not like. Sometimes, it can even trigger your partner in such negative ways, that they won’t feel comfortable having sex with you for quite some time. You don’t want this to happen. Especially if your partner has experienced some abuse in the past or even if your partner associates danger and violence with spanking.

So, try to be okay with the answer your partner spits back at you; Don’t become hostile if they aren’t willing to abide by your spanking desires. Allow your significant other to think through their thoughts and come back to you with their decision. And once the decision is made, understand and accept it.

Don’t bring the topic up as if it were a demand; Bring it up as if it’s a casual topic the two of you can talk about.

Okay, before you think it, I’ll say it: Spanking is not an easy topic to bring up. I know, I get it, believe me. However, there are ways to bring the topic up without either of you feeling uncomfortable. For example, try to bring it up when the two of you are being sexy towards one another or when you’re in a sexual setting, such as a romantic night out or a make-out session on the couch. And, say something along the lines of, “I can’t stop fantasizing about running my hands all over your body. I’d even like to give you a little smack on the butt if you’d like me to.” Get creative with it!

Put everything out on the table, including your expectations. And make them clear.

While you’re talking about the possibility of incorporating spanking into your sex life with your partner, you should also probably make your expectations clear. For example, what one person may see as a small love tap, another person may see as painful and unbearable. Be sure to know what your partner is comfortable with and be sure to tell your partner what you’re comfortable with.

If you’re having difficulties determining what’s too hard or too soft, use the point scale system. For example, slap a little on the softer side and ask your partner to rate the spank. If they say to go up or go down, change your spanking accordingly.

Always start slow and don’t overdo it.

Once you’ve both agreed on how hard or how soft to spank, it’s easy to start spanking during sex. Even though this may be true, you should still start off slow with your partner, especially if they’ve never done this before. My suggestion would be to spank the booty, and then slowly rub or caress it. You can also rub or caress the inner thighs to make your partner feel more comfortable and turned on.

Tip? If you’ve agreed to spank hard, save those for when you or your partner (whoever’s getting the spank) is about to orgasm. When you’re reaching the brink of orgasm, you’re pain threshold is higher, so this will work in your favor.

Lastly, throw some sex toys in the mix.

Pick and choose these according to your preference. With sex toys and spanking, you’ll be on your way to an entirely new sex life in no time (if you and your partner agree to it).


By Jenny Lyn